English: Vladimir Bystrov. 2006 Russian Premie...

English: Vladimir Bystrov. 2006 Russian Premier League (FC Zenit St.Petersburg v.s. FC Spartak Moscow) Русский: Владимир Быстров в матче 7-го тура чемпионата России 2006 против петербургского «Зенита» (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In case you have wondered where I’m hiding, picture a little whiny ball of pain curled up on the bed. That’s me. Except I can’t stay in a ball. I must constantly change my positions. It’s like those first few days when you know you’re catching something, you’re all achy, can’t think, pretty worthless to everyone. Can’t even stay focused on a book or television show. Too cold then too hot, dizzy–blech!

For me that is a flare, a fibro-flare that comes with fibro-fog. Nothing soothes the pain and it is ALL OVER!

It always comes as a surprise. I felt so good last week end and the first of the week. When my pain isn’t the major part of my life, I do things, fun things. I make plans. If I think of the pain, I almost think it was just a dream. Hey, maybe I could go back to work?! Maybe I could go on that awesome hike!

I did manage to go to my writers’ group on Wednesday evening. I had a great time. Even started a new story that was fun. But then by about 9pm I started fogging out. I couldn’t sleep all night. Thursday was a blur and that blur continues today. Grrrrr! I know I can’t get a job. I know I can’t make plans. Still, I try not to sleep my day away. I read small amounts, surf the web lightly, try to write down ideas of what I might like to do when the flare becomes more bearable.

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After going through this for a few years, I do console myself with the fact that it doesn’t last forever. Along with that notion comes, when it is gone I am so wiped out that it takes a few days to recover. Then I can’t remember all the things I wanted to do once I got well. Any exercise routines must be started anew. All the tasks around the house that waited on me are still there. Then I am overwhelmed with what to do first, and I feel bad that what I want to do is run around the block, go to the park and play. I don’t want to do housework or boring stuff. Yet, at 63 the life of guilt hits me with the hammer. Then the cycle continues and no fun is had.

I must learn to find that happy medium. Maybe she can help me! 😉