Memories Monday

I was just researching my first blog about Kali. Maybe the archives don’t go back to December 9th, 2016. That’s the day Laura, my daughter brought Kali to me. The first blog I can find is This One. There is a picture of me from when Kali was still my grandpuppy and lived with Laura.

Now, this picture will make me cry forever. Kali is so sweet and full of energy. It is hard to remember her from back then. But if you do a search on the name Kali on my blog, you will see she even had her own blog for a while.

Please forgive me as I journey down memory lane.

As I said, Kali was Laura’s dog. They were inseparable. Laura took her everywhere. They shared a home with Logan, her brother, and Vader, Logan’s huge dog. Sometimes my brother and I would pet sit if the offspring had to go to a place where dogs weren’t allowed. Kali would sleep with me. Vader would sleep with my brother.

I felt we connected during those short visits.

Soon Laura decided it was time to get her own apartment. Kali didn’t like being alone while Laura went to work. Separation anxiety caused Kali to rip up Laura’s apartment.

Our house had four adults home all the time. We all thought we might be able to help her. And so it was decided Laura brought Kali to me on my birthday in December 2016. Doesn’t that seem a long time ago?

~~~

Please excuse me while I curse internally for a moment. I had a LONG blog ready to publish and only the top bit was saved. I am going to attempt to rewrite the WHOLE thing, even though it was full of painful memories. But I best get on with it.

~~~

Kali, a rat-terrier, had a lot of energy. We rarely had a quiet day at first. And that was good for me. Even though it was a very cold winter, I had to take her outside. I got a good tam that first year. We did a lot of playing in the yard or taking walks. She loved rides in the truck.

If you wanted to see a dog dancing pirouettes pull out the leash. It was hard to hold still but she wanted to go badly enough that she’d hold still to let you put on the harness or the coat if needed.

But she had social anxiety and couldn’t tell who was good or bad. She might attack the sweetest dogs and made some walks very scary for me.

After three donut turns at night, Kali would curl up in her ‘donut dog’ shape and sleep with me. It made me laugh every night.

Before Kali came it was only Teddy and Rosey. Teddy divorced me the minute Kali moved in. I tried to explain to him that I still loved him but he wouldn’t sleep with me or sit on my lap for the longest time. Only recently did he come back to me sleeping in the bed and spending lap time. I’m glad he forgave me before he left us for that rainbow bridge a few weeks ago.

Though we only had her for seven years it seem like we were together forever. Kali was a part of my daily life. Even with her quirks, she was my best friend.

In the last few months Kali was diagnosed with doggy’s Alzheimer’s, arthritis, cataracts. Her inability to see and her confusion would have her lost in a corner here or there. She was in a lot of pain and we finally had to give up outside jonts as she could get hurt falling up or down the steps or get lost in bushes. We lined our house with piddle pads and eased her shame that it was all she could do. I gradually had to have her sleep on a little bed at the foot of my bed. I felt badly that she couldn’t sleep with me but she fell off the bed so many times and I was always scared she might hurt herself. This whole process was so painful for all of us. From the high energy of her youth to seemingly older than us in the end. Taking care of an elder dog is heartbreaking.

~~~

I know there was more here but I forgot what I wrote drat it!

~~~

So the last couple weeks she just got more and more tired, just laying at first on the sofa but soon even that was too dangerous so we would scoope her up and put her on either the bed in our room or the bed in the living room where she was right on the floor.

The last few days she gave up food and water. We could no longer give her the pain meds as they needed food or she’d get sick. This was so hard. Look up what to expect from a dying dog. She was all that list. The only good was she preferred lap time with me and I would spend that time talking to her and petting her ears. She loved that.

We live so far from a vet that the trip to have her euthanized seemed crueler than just easing her with love. Yes there was pain but that trip is very painful.

We four adults took shifts in the last days so that she was never alone. We did all we could to keep her comfortable and knowing she was loved.

At 5:11 this morning my husband woke me (I’d just gone to bed at 3:30) and told me that Kali went peacefully.

I woke to an already cleaner house as my brother had picked up and thrown away all the piddle pads and all the bedding and towel were in the washer. He even had a small funeral with the little cat outside as witness. We were all wet faced for several days. Kali is missed. How many dogs love loom knitting?

Here’s a little poem my husband, Chris created with the IA program.

A loyal friend who loved to play, 

A furry companion who brightened each day, 

A faithful pet who stole our hearts, 

Our beloved dog who now departs. 

With wagging tail and happy bark, 

You greeted us each time we embarked, 

On walks and runs and games of fetch, 

Your presence made us feel so blessed. 

You snuggled close on cold, dark nights, 

Your warmth and love were shining lights, 

You listened closely to our tales, 

And licked our tears when we felt frail. 

But now you’re gone and we’re alone, 

Our hearts are heavy, our souls are moan, 

We’ll miss your smile, your silly ways, 

And cherish memories of better days. 

Rest in peace, dear furry friend, 

Your love and loyalty will never end, 

Though you’re no longer by our side, 

In our hearts, you’ll always reside. 

Made by Chris https://openai.com/blog/chatgpt 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “wild animal.” Choose a wild animal (or many wild animals) and use it any way you’d like in your post. Enjoy!

Do not go gentle into that good night
Dylan Thomas – 1914-1953


Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

From The Poems of Dylan Thomas, published by New Directions. Copyright © 1952, 1953 Dylan Thomas. Copyright © 1937, 1945, 1955, 1962, 1966, 1967 the Trustees for the Copyrights of Dylan Thomas. Copyright © 1938, 1939, 1943, 1946, 1971 New Directions Publishing Corp. Used with permission.

Dylan Thomas
Dylan Marlais Thomas, born October 27, 1914, in South Wales, was the archetypal Romantic poet of the popular American imagination




In other words fight like a wild animal. I’m not ready to talk much more about it. Just know, my poor Kali is fighting against the machine. Old age is mean even to dogs.

Depression

I usually try to be uplifting. But situational depression is attacking. Cold, windy weather,

Treadmill broken waiting for companies to do their part in replacing or fixing this unit.

Probably the biggest weight is my poor dog as she goes downhill. Nothing we can do. It’s part of life.

And my therapy is knitting. Unfortunately I’ve spent today making and tinking two heels. A whole day just to get back where I started.

Something I learned in real therapy is to look for the good of the day. Okay. I got my resistance bands in the mail. I plan to try them out tomorrow.

I did get a bit of editing done. I just wonder how much my mental state affects my writing and knitting. Maybe I should take a couple days off and knit hats and color. Then it might be more soothing to my spirit.

What do you do when life sucks and you want to cheer up?

Just Jot It January, Combo

Last one.

So I’ve gotten behind on Jusjoing. Other things needed to be blogged, too.

My solution is to write a meander between the three I missed.

My dog is on my mind 24/7. She is having so many problems. And yet with age, some things are better. She used to shake and run around. She made me nervous. So much for being my support canine. I became hers.

But we could exercise outside. I couldn’t take walks with her for being afraid of the big dogs she’d challenge. But most walks were okay.

Between doggy Alzheimers, bad eyes and hips, and icy snow, those walks ended.

I picked up a treadmill. It’s still scary with her as she is turning circles or bumping into things, even the treadmill.

My husband has become my watch-person, to make sure Kali doesn’t hurt herself on the treadmill or cause me to fall while trying to achieve my 1.23 miles. Whatever works, right?

I don’t quite understand how the programs work. I started out just hitting start and then the + or – as my body, breath, and legs needed.

I learned to name the speeds. 1 was the annoying slow people in the mall. I always need to go faster than that. 2 was a crowded mall. Everyone is moving in concert, but still not fast enough to get the errands done. 3 seems the speed my body likes best. My heart rate goes down. It’s the Goldilocks speed for me.

Ah, but 4. That’s late for the bus but you don’t want the cool kids to see you running. It’s pushing me. If I get winded, the heart rate seems too high, or Kali is too close, I slow it down.

One day I got curious. What are these programs? So I hit the button. Program 1 was mostly the slow mall workers. I found I could + or – as my body chooses I found the first program boring so I got brave and hit 2.

Oh. Here was the challenge. It fools you with a 1 at first. Gradually it changes to 2. Then when you’re bored it becomes 3. But get ready. 4 comes. At first I couldn’t and minused it. Soon I could handle the first round of 4. But then it happens again. 1, 2, 3, then a LONG 4! Oh, boy! That about killed me at first! I remembered to hit the + or – as needed.

Guess what? I can now handle program 2 without changing it. I’m tired and sweaty but feeling proud. I have snuck to a 5 once in a while. I’m naming it, I see the bus. Better get there now!

My daughter and sons jog. They are my inspiration. I throw out dreams to the universe of marathons. But really just doing the half hour daily is okay for now.

I picture my son’s girlfriend who has helped inspire me also. This reminds me of Rizza.🤗

Stream of Consciousness Saturday, #JusJoJan, Throw in the Towel

Your prompt for #JusJoJan the 28th and Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “throw in the towel.” Use the phrase “throw in the towel” somewhere in your post. Enjoy!

The piddle cleaning solution says to soak up said piddle with a towel before applying product.

Wall-to-wall piddle pads don’t prevent all piddles. And so at said piddles we throw in the towel.

Alas. Love the old gal. We’ll miss her when she’s gone, but towels will live another day for being thrown.

It Has Been a Month

Since I blogged about the beautiful snow. I’m not so excited anymore. That snow is still here. It hasn’t gotten warm enough to melt. And we’ve had a couple snows since. And another storm coming on the weekend. Had anyone told the weather that it’s not winter yet?

Poor Kali hasn’t wanted to go outside for a month. It’s too deep and icy for her aged body.

Ah so let’s see. I’ve shared my finished socks. My other socks aren’t progressing as fast.

Oh! I know! I haven’t shown sunflower progress.

Maybe I’ll be finished tomorrow.

And I guess I should give the final word count for Reflexions.

That’s where I was a couple nights ago. On the 30th I hit 33,003 and called it good. Teddy’s character is fun. I hope I can get all the bits to fit together like a real story. I reset a goal of 17,000 for December. I’m starting this first part reviewing all I’ve written so I can figure out where and when it is happening.

Hope you all are staying warm. Thank goodness we are!

Mister Golden Eyes

He came to us by way of Garden Grove on a long drive to Reno. Kieu was loading her car for the trip to see her boyfriend. It was three in the morning. Suddenly this little tiger kitten hopped in the car.

Kieu bought a disposable kitty litter and a small amount of food and water for the kitten’s first car trip. The kitty sat on Kieu’s shoulder as co-pilot, or Argh the cat.

It was too late to do a door-to-door search for a missing cat. Kieu did her due diligence the next morning by calling her mother to see if their neighbors were missing a kitten. No.

So Kieu asked if we wanted the kitten. Of course.

It was love at first sight. Mister Golden Eyes. Tiger Eyes. Dragon Eyes. Names ran through my head. Nothing quite did the job. I looked over at our tuxedo cat, Panda. OH! We have a Panda Bear. How about a Teddy Bear to make the team?

And he was a cuddly Teddy Bear. When not cuddling, he was energy-plus. He could rocket through a room, flying for places only a bird could. He kept me busy. He kept me company while my husband worked nights, and I felt so alone for a while.

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I was in pain. Teddy could figure out where I hurt the most. He would climb on me and curl up. Then he would purr the pain away. I called him the magical kitty.

Teddy slept with me. If it was cold, he would crawl under the covers with me.

There was only one problem. Everything we owned soon smelled like Teddy. He scratched and sprayed everything. I still have things I can’t repair or eliminate the scent. But he was mature enough to get neutered. That problem was easily fixed. Now my little buddy was at his best.

Teddy was happy if I read to him, if I sang and played the piano, or if I needed to chat. He was there.

One day, Teddy slipped out of the apartment. He just disappeared. I thought it was months. I missed him so much. I cried in worry that he would be hit by a car or someone awful would hurt him.

Chris says it was about a week that we got a phone call. The lady said that she had a cat on her bed whose tags said Teddy and had this phone number. He had just wandered into this apartment that looked like all the others in our complex. He had just wandered in like he lived there.

I was in a lot of pain. Emotionally and physically. I couldn’t leave the house. Chris went to the lady’s place to get him.

Oh, my goodness, he was skinny and dirty. He looked like he’d been living under cars this whole time. Now that he was back, I was going to make sure he didn’t get out again. It was time to fatten him up and clean him up. It took a while.

We were at our weekly writer’s meet when we got a call. Panda had been playing and suddenly dropped dead. We were told it was either a heart attack or a stroke. That was sad for all of us. Panda was a gorgeous cat. He has a story of his own.

Okay, let me take the side trip. When we lived in Riverside, we found a kitten howling in the mall parking lot. My daughter and I looked everywhere and found this little guy in a wheel well of a car. He had a little white mark that made him look like a priest. My daughter named him Limey. Don’t ask why. I have no idea.

Limey would play fetch. He was a smart little guy. We all loved him. The kids were getting ready to move out into their own lives. The cat that raised them, as second mom, Kimberlina (Kimbie), was quite ill. She was very old. We think about twenty years old. Limey gave us a bright spot in the day.

But it was near Halloween. Limey was a black cat. Suddenly he disappeared. We didn’t know where. We put out ads. Suddenly there was a call. This lady said she knew she didn’t have our kitten. But this was a black cat that looked to be dipped in white paint. He had been on the lady’s roof for days as he was afraid of her dogs. Would we take him instead?

Well, yes. Never got Limey back. Never sure what happened. But Panda was now a part of our household. Kimbie passed about that same time.

So back to the moment. Panda passed of a heart attack, and Teddy was the only bear. He seemed lonely. So for the first time, we pursued getting a cat. In our lives, cats appear, and we grow together. But Teddy needed a furball friend. So we found Rosey at the shelter. She fell in love with Chris. She is his cat. But she was a friend for Teddy.

And so when we moved from Reno to Christmas Valley, Teddy and Rosey were on leashes and loved the trip. They loved their new home with h more room than that tiny apartment. Teddy had me. Rosey had Chris. Then a new dog came to live with us. Teddy thought I had betrayed him, and he stopped coming to me. He stayed with Rosey and Chris while I learned to bond with Kali, who seemed to be in need of a service person.

These last few years together. Teddy and Kali cuddled close to each other to keep warm. They seemed to watch out for each other. And both kept me warm and feeling loved.

Just midnight, when Chris woke me, Teddy was no longer with us. I can’t stop crying, but I am glad we didn’t have to take him for that hour-and-a-half ride to the vet. That is a hard ride for all of us. But he chose to go in his sleep. He is no longer in pain. But gosh, I miss him. My little buddy. I didn’t know I had so many tears in me.

In dedication to him, I will have a ginger boy in the NaNoWriMo I’m writing who is a curious, adventurous, but a lovable boy. His name will be Teddy. At least Mr. Golden Eyes will live little longer in fun and action!

Things Learned

Just 7 inches from the toes. I’m so excited to have learned to divide for the heel, then turn heel, then I shaped the gusset and now it’s stockinette (straight knitting) until the toes. Wah hoo! And I’m ready with yarn and more Double pointed needles for the fiancés socks.

My bathroom is nearly done. I’ll probably have to shower at least once in the guys’ restroom. Ugh! I’ve hated being so scattered, my stuff is everywhere and I had to schlep between my room and their restroom work bags of stuff.

And our poor kitty, Teddy has been having troubles, teeth and blood sugars so my husband has taken the trip through the mountains to the vet to take care of him.

Not to mention, Kali is still getting older and having a hard time with all of it. So lack of sleep is playing hard against ambition.

So I’m trying to be kind to myself for being about a day behind on NaNoWriMo, Reflexion about the Pensées family. So the word count

I need to spend a couple days catching up.

Finishing Friday

As I promised the finished hat, now in the charity bag.

ChiaoGoo circular needles made this easy.

Heels are happening now.

Kali is helping me pose the picture but I couldn’t reach the other sock due to the puppers. In fact, the CinDWood fine-gauge loom has half the heel done.

Shoot. I can’t show you the other double pointed needle socks that are also at heel stage. I need my tutoring session to learn how to ‘turn a heel’.

Okay Word Count calls. Currently at 5,441 so I still need lots more before bedtime. See ya tomorrow!

One-Liner Wednesday

How many of you crab climb out of the recliner so as not to disturb the dog?

Me.

One-Liner Wednesday is Linda’s prompt. Follow the above link to join the fun.